Insanity

I was in a very dark place. For a very long time. 

My sanity is out of the question. 

No shed of light. No dreams. No future. No life. 

A rotting corpse. 

No happiness. No anger.

No motivation. No power. 

Insanity had consumed me. 

Thus I became my insanity…

Insanity is me… 

And I, insanity. 

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Hit Play. 

You can’t hit pause on your life

to make a guest appearance in his;

The truth hurts, baby, 

But, so does letting everything you’ve worked for fall apart.

My Final Trigger 

My chest is aching.

My mind is racing.

The tears are pouring.

It feels like it will never stop. I want to cry for help,

but the words do not make its way out of my mouth.

It’s killing me slowly.

The kind of death that claws at you from inside out,

Until everything that is me, has been destroyed,

And all thats left is the feeling of your weight pushing down on me, restraining me.

But it ended…

_________________________

I went home.

I scrubbed and scrubbed until my body turned a light shade of red.

But I still felt you on me.

I wiped the foggy mirror,

I looked at my body.

I glanced at my wrists,

At the scars I’ve inflicted myself with.

It’s nothing compared to what you did to me.

I looked myself in the mirror, eye to eye…

At that moment.

I lost myself.

The Shooter is Me

Life is punitive and cruel.

Life is also grandiose and beautiful.

I can’t help but be enraged with how my mind is strained and pulled at from both sides, by optimism and pessimism.

Do I love life or do I hate it?

Do I want to live or do I want to die?

I cannot decide.

Fear of making the wrong decision has me held at gun point – only the shooter is myself.

Define Love. 

There cannot be one meaning to what love is.

It seems to be much like a puzzle with missing pieces. 

Yet still, I keep going, 

filling in the missing pieces with our laughter, our fights… 

Could the final piece to the puzzle really be you? 

It may not be the same as another’s love. 

But our love, makes me lose my words, communicating only by actions. 

Our love challenges me, to be the best woman I can be. 

Our love is even beyond us. 

It is beyond anything and everything. 

Our love is one made amongst the stars. 

That’s how I knew, 

It’s you. It will always be you. 

Senses of Us

I saw it in your eyes, when you look at me face to face.

I felt it from the palms of your hands, moving across my body.

I heard it in your voice, when you say my name.

I taste it from your lips, when you kiss me.

I know now,

I love you.

And somehow,

You love me too.

Fear

I fear that I may never be good enough for you. 

If I lack something, I fear that you will find it in someone else. 

I will never be at peace. 

Because I’ll never be perfect, 

I’m far from perfect. 

But not that far from you being taken away from me.

My Skin

There is no way to fix this anymore,

I am now stuck,

Living everyday,

In the skin that you touched.

Did you…? 

Did you enjoy yourself,

As you forced to make it happen?

Did you notice,

At that moment, i felt as though I’ve taken life for granted?

Did you feel me..

Pushing against your weight as my drunken slurs told you to stop?

You didn’t.

You didn’t

And no,

You didn’t.

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