My Final Trigger

My chest is aching.

My mind is racing.

The tears are pouring.

It feels like it will never stop. I want to cry for help,

but the words do not make its way out of my mouth.

It’s killing me slowly.

The kind of death that claws at you from inside out,

Until everything that is me, has been destroyed,

And all thats left is the feeling of your weight pushing down on me, restraining me.

But it ended…

_________________________

I went home.

I scrubbed and scrubbed until my body turned a light shade of red.

But I still felt you on me.

I wiped the foggy mirror,

I looked at my body.

I glanced at my wrists,

At the scars I’ve inflicted myself with.

It’s nothing compared to what you did to me.

I looked myself in the mirror, eye to eye…

At that moment.

I lost myself.

Fear

I fear that I may never be good enough for you. 

If I lack something, I fear that you will find it in someone else. 

I will never be at peace. 

Because I’ll never be perfect, 

I’m far from perfect. 

But not that far from you being taken away from me.